Sharing your personal space with anyone can be …challenging to say the least. Residence halls, apartments, and rentals with multiple peers breathing your air 24/7 can sometimes feel claustrophobic, overwhelming, and sometimes – annoying. Confrontation is tricky, especially when you’re randomly placed with someone you don’t know! Oftentimes, those who are randomly assigned make for better roommates than your bestie. This is because your expectations are lower, leading to a lower likelihood of disappointment or offense.
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Try To Spin Your Outlook.
The truth of the matter is, that everyone was raised differently, and habits can vary under one roof, leaving room for conflict or disagreements. One of the best parts of college is the chance to meet people from all over the world. Cultural differences exist, and we can learn so many new things just by asking questions, doing some research, and understanding history. By asking questions, you can communicate with your roomie effectively to fully understand their reasoning behind certain habits or practices they embody in their daily life. Use this as a learning tool to expand your mind. At the end of the day, this is their home too, and they deserve to feel safe in their own space – just as much as you do!
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.
This isn’t particularly easy for everyone but welcoming open communication within your residence is KEY to having a harmonious experience with your roommates. If something is bothering you, respectfully speak up! You may be surprised to find out they didn’t even realize they offended you and allows them a chance to tell their side of the story. Bottling it up is a first-class ticket to chaos, and we’re here just doing our best to make sure that doesn’t happen. Do yourself a favor by cooling down if you’re negatively affected before approaching, so you can address your concerns in a calm, respectful manner.
Pro tip: If you’re having an issue with a roommate directly and it doesn’t involve the whole group, pull your roommate to the side, and have the discussion privately, in person preferably. You don’t want to risk embarrassing them or escalating the drama further by calling them out in public. Be direct, kind, and open-minded to their rebuttal, encouraging them to share their perspective.
You should find yourself resolving this conflict together, so be sure both people involved feel validated and heard when expressing their feelings and concerns.
Set Boundaries and Make Compromises.
If you take one thing away from this article, it’s to host a roommate meeting on day 1 and set clear rules, preferences, and boundaries. This can include claiming a day to do your laundry, grocery organization, bill payments, guest policies, or quiet hours. So many things can be discussed, so jot down a list of non-negotiables and work out a compromise so you can avoid conflict in the future. Consider writing out a roomie agreement, signing it, and putting it on the refrigerator so it’s a reminder that you’re in agreement to respect each other’s wishes and boundaries every time you grab a snack.
If That’s Not Working, try Mediation with Your RA or Leasing Manage
This can feel like the worst, we know – but sometimes, it’s necessary to bring in a third-party, unbiased perspective to the table to even things out. This is helpful if someone isn’t willing to come to a compromise or if the issue continues to worsen over time. Depending on the situation at hand, the facilitator may be able to suggest a solution that never crossed your mind! It’s all about perspective. Find a time that works for everyone, schedule a meeting, and be open to sharing your experience in more than one way. You’d be surprised to see how often things kick off from a simple misunderstanding.
Ultimately, don’t put this off. When you’re approaching a roomie with concerns, ask open-ended questions and allow them to speak for themselves! Do your best to assume good faith, and remember that they’re human, too! Don’t be afraid to apologize when you’re in the wrong and bring solutions to the table when you’re working toward a solution to make it better.
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